bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
