I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
