I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
