hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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