Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
