Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
