this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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