Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He had one of those small greek statue penises
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
