we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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