i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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