My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
