So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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