Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
