My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
