The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
