in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
