I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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