The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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