Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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