If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
