DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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