I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
