im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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