Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
