i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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