Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
