He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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