I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
