is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
