She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
