so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
