do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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