meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
