Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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