i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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