There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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