But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
