I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bring me that man meat
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
