My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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