how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
