I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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