U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
