maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
