I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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