Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
