Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
