I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
