if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we made out on top of his cat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
