Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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