quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
