hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
