So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
