alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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