i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize