The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
