it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
