Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
