Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize