Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
