This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
