just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
