apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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