Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
