oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
