i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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