Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
