Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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