i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize