just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's just like the Real World with babies
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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