Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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