I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
