O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
