atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
