i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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