Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
