God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
