please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
