I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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