if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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